Gettin' More And More Jaded

I want to leave now, but I don't. I can't. What a paradox. Torn between two desires. . .two roads that are mutually exclusive.

Is part of my star here a lesson in waitin'?

Maybe. I never had to do it in ages, but what's the point? I don't dig it, and all it's doin' is makin' me resentful of circumstances; and I don't think that's personal evolution.

The nearer is my goal, the slower goes the clock. That's what it seems like. I don't want to play anymore, but I'd never forgive myself if I quit.

All I can say is thank the gods the absolute final date is 11/13/11 at the very latest, as opposed to 4/15/12. Gods, and one time I was happy to knock a month off of the original go date. And I do have it so easy.

No corporate 'ho job needed, upper-middle class, spoiled brat existence on a partially (mostly) forested former farm with various neglected orchards that provide excellent fruit, 2 diverse, active farms on both sides of us, nice pretty, clean, small town with all the basics 8 kilometres away, and life couldn't get any more peaceful or more convenient. We could even hire someone to clean the house and mow the lawn, though the mullethead would kill me if I took the lawn away from 'it', and the housecleanin' provided a bit of a needed distraction for me once a week. After all, with today's appliances, it wasn't too hard. Washin' machines and vacuum cleaners were especially appreciated. Everythin' we had was of the simplest design, so it was easy cleanin', and I believe I mentioned before if anyone made any sort of mess, it was cleaned up right away. Even when cookin', things were cleaned after use, so there was no major disaster to get rid of after an elaborate gourmet meal was prepared. And I'd only have to do it for another 19 times, then never again.

No, I didn't hate it; but I can't say I enjoyed cleanin' up, either. It was just one of those things that had to be done to stay in more pleasant surroundin's, and I was always in a hurry to get to town, and I liked to relax a little before our outin', so I did most of it before anyone was even up, as I said before once or twice somewhere on by blog series. And I got rewarded for it, so it was cool. I always got to pick the restaurant we ate at, and Thursday night was mine, in bed. It was worth it. Sometimes more than worth it.

Oh well. Off for some tay on the verandah, hopefully with someone else.

Probably.

The mullethead and I love moments like that for bitch-fests, and we amuse my mentor to no end with many of them.